John vs the Meteor
by six26sawada
Summary: If John is bored and the others are gullible... What is air? My first attempt at Crack
1. John vs

**Six: I wanted to try this out because my brother and I were coming up with possible pranks that John could do.**

* * *

It was quiet on their little meteor, the little meteor going full light-years in mere seconds. It was quiet. Too quiet for John to handle.

John remembers when his Dad came up with some of his best pranks. It was unusually quite for weeks, until the old man finally had it all thought out. These usually were elaborate schemes that took weeks of planning, weeks of scheduling, then finally a mere minute or a short phrase to execute.

...

John smirked, he had the time, he had the quiet. Why shouldn't he use it?

He grabbed a notebook and a pen and got to planning his new amusement.

* * *

**Six: Short no? I'll start with some of my planned pranks (they'll probably suck bonebulge, but w/e) but I would like to have some reviews full of possible pranks John would pull on;**

**Rose**

**Dave**

**Jade**

**Karkat**

**Kanaya**

**Gamzee**

**Terezi**

**Jane**

**Jake**

**Dirk**

**Roxy**

**If you have a really good one that involves anyone else, include it, I'll try to find a fit. :)**


	2. John vs Karkat

Everything was calm on their floating rock, the humans got along with the trolls and vice versa. Karkat had a budding moirailligence with Dave and was currently reading a book on how to woo John into his black quadrant. But he was finding nothing about how to get someone to hate you in the way that trolls did. Of course it was because humans were such fucked up little creatures and didn't have quadrants. Karkat groaned as he set down the stupid human romance.

His thoughts turned to John, and now that they were on the subject; he hadn't seen John for about 2 weeks. He turned to Dave, who was sitting against the recliner he was on and reading some of Dirk's manga.

"Hey, Strider."

"Yeah?"

"Where's John?"

"Why? Did you finally find out where the stupid switch in his brain is? Jegus, if we can finally flip that maybe he'd have a little more common sense. I'd flip the switch just to have a decent conversation with the guy. Unless he starts flipping his shit like you, then that motherfucker is staying on the 'stupid' setting. Otherwise-"

"Strider?"

"Yeah Karkles?"

"Shut the fuck up and answer my question."

"I don't know where he is. Maybe him and chucklefuck are having a clown-ass party."

Karkat glared at the other as he leaned over to look at Dave, "Shouldn't we be worried?"

"John's a big boy Karkat. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"No, that's not what I meant: shouldn't we worry if he's planning something?"

Dave took his eyes off of the book and stared straight ahead before shutting the manga. He stood straight up and looked to Karkat in a serious tone. "We need to find John."

* * *

Dave and Karkat started off by looking with the others and asking if they had seen the blue heir. Each person they asked replied with a worried 'No, why?' they would just shake their heads and continue their search.

Once they had asked everyone but Gamzee they had to split up to cover more ground... er, meteor.

The first place Karkat looked was in one of the respite blocks that John had claimed. He knocked on the door at first and heard a high-pitched giggling. The giggling soon turn to an all-out low, roar of laughter. Karkat could tell it was John, just because he knew no one else laughed quite that much, but he also sounded unnatural. Dave once told him what it was like at one of the human 'dentists' and they had a gas that forced you to laugh. What if that was condensed into a poison and John was dying?

Karkat burst through the door and saw the Heir giggling in midair while inhaling out of two different balloons.

John looked at Karkat with the buck-toothed grin he was well-known for, "Hi Karkat!" he said high and squeaky. He then inhaled from the other balloon and said in a deep tone, "What's up?"

Karkat started growling and slashed with his sickle into one of the balloons and started shouting, "GODDAMMIT JOHN I THOUGHT YOU WERE-" he stopped to listen to what he just said. Not the content, but how he said it, high and squeaky.

John gasped as he looked at his balloon, now limp in his hand. "Karkat!" he said in the same high manner as before, "That was a special gas that only I can breathe!"

"Really John?"

"Yeah! It's a breathable poison only found on Earth!"

"How come only you can breathe it?"

"I'm the Heir of Breath, Duh!"

Karkat's grey skin paled and he looked to the floating human, "How can I get rid of it?!"

"Someone has to suck it out of your lungs, or air pockets, or whatever you trolls have in 13 hours."

"WELL? YOU DO IT YOU DUMB SHIT, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT POISONED ME."

"Sorry Karkat," John started to look like he was fading, "but I'm not a homosexual." he had disappeared from Karkat's sight.

Karkat screamed in a high-pitch and started running to someone. The first person he came across was Terezi, she'd do it.

"Terezi!"

"Whoa. Karkat? What's with your voice?"

"The fucking glorious asshole we all know as John fucking poisoned me with some weird Earth gas, and the only way for me to survive is to have someone suck it out of me!"

Terezi tried to hide her amusement, but failed as she burst into laughter, "Oh gog, sorry. I don't mean to laugh at you dying just-" she let out another series of laughs, "Ok, I'm good, but I don't want to risk dying just yet, ask one of the godtiers."

Karkat yelled again and started running in a random direction until he was stopped by someone grabbing his arm, "Whoa there, Karbro. WHAT'S WITH YOUR MOTHERFUCKING VOICE?" Gamzee asked.

Karkat explained what happened again to Gamzee. "So since you're a godtier you can help right?"

"Whoa, there. I'M NOT REALLY GODTIER. This suit Kanaya made me earlier is just really MOTHERFUCKING COMFY BRO. I'll try to get you to one of them though"

The smaller of the two started screaming again as Gamzee dragged him to the Lalonde's respite block. Only Roxy was in there at the moment.

"Hey, how's my MOTHERFUCKING VOID SISTER?" Roxy looked up in shock to see Gamzee. "My brother here NEEDS YOUR ASSISTANCE."

"Wha for?"

Gamzee explained what happened to the red blood while said troll was trying s hard not to correct some parts to the story.

When the indigo troll finished he waved Roxy off and crawled in through the vent outside of her door.

"I dun know why he brough you to me. I dun know anything about poisons er whateves."

"Just take me to Dave already." Karkat said in the high-pitch tone. "I'd rather die with the one person I trust on this meteor at my side."

Roxy burst into an insane laugh, complete with snorting and side-holding, "God I can't take you seriously with that voice!"

Karkat glared at the girl before stomping out of the block fuming. He stomped all the way to Dave, who was still looking for the little shit-head. He begrudgingly plopped his head onto Dave's shoulder and sighed.

"Whoa bro, what's wrong."

"John is killing me, if I don't get someone to suck the air out of my lungs he says I'll die."

"... This is what we were trying to prevent." Dave hugged onto Karkat in a massive brohug, "I can't believe that he got to you first little buddy ('I'M NOT LITTLE') don't worry. We'll fix this. We'll make Egderp pay!"

"SO YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY AND SAVE ME? YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY AND GET THE POISON OUT, YOU JUST DEEM ME DEAD AND SKIP RIGHT TO REVENGE? FUCK YOU TOO STRIDER!"

Dave laughs as he pulls away from the hug to laugh, "Oh god, please tell me you can scream and it's so high-pitched that only Harley can hear it. I want some revenge for her tossing my toilet into my room during the game."

"STRIDER!"

"It's helium." Karkat turns to see Rose approaching them. "It's only poisonous when it's inhaled for a long time."

Karkat's eyes widened and he began to shake, "How long is it even supposed to last?"

"A few minutes really, but it seems you've been followed this entire time."

Karkat hears a low and quiet laugh and sees a faded john out of the corner of his eye, before the boy disappears again.

"UOYJBB,NBHQWVQRE!"

* * *

**Six: Ha, science humour**

**Six: Alright, first person to crack my code at the bottom and find out what Karkat is saying gets first crack at submitting a prank! =)**


End file.
